How does relationship/couples counselling work?

There are five basic aims of effective relationship counselling / couples counselling:

Change the views of the relationship

Through the therapy process, the psychologist / couples therapist will try to help both partners see the relationship in a more objective way. This includes learning to stop blaming each other for problems and viewing the problems in the relationship as something which involves both partners. During therapy sessions, the therapist will watch how both partners interact with each other and will look at what factors might influence the way the couples interact.

Change dysfunctional behaviour

During relationship/couples therapy, the therapist will try to change the way in which both partners interact with each other. The therapist will also aim to ensure couples are not behaving in a way which may cause any type of harm to the relationship (e.g. psychological, physical or economic harm).

Decrease emotional avoidance

If couples avoid effectively expressing their feelings they may put themselves at greater risk of becoming emotionally distant and growing apart. During relationship / couples therapy, the therapist will try to help the couple express the emotions and thoughts that they may be afraid of showing to their partner. In doing this, the couple may be able to become closer again.

Improve communication

Communication is a vital part of a relationship and is especially important in the intimacy involved in relationships. Relationship/couples therapy tries to improve the communication within the relationship while making sure that, when expressing their feelings, couples are not abusive in any way and do not ridicule each other.

Promoting strengths

As relationship / couples therapy is nearing an end, the therapist will point out the strengths of the relationship. The majority of therapy sessions focus on the problem areas of the relationship, which makes it easy to forget about the areas of the relationship in which the couple functions well. Promoting the strengths of the relationship can help the couple see the enjoyment in their relationship and therefore not solely focus on the negative aspects of the time they spend together.